Out Of Luck
Oh Christ, no. You’ve gotta be kidding me. Another goddamn leprechaun ditty?
Yeah, I’m on a roll.
I ordered some Notre Dame “Fighting Irish” face masks. The little bastard with his dukes up is on the front. And that got me to thinking that when I was a kid, my father was Vice President of Daniel O’Connell’s Sons, his family's business, and every year he’d put me on the O’Connell’s float in Holyoke’s St. Paddy’s Day parade.
I was a leprechaun every time. I’d be planted in a shamrock at the top of the float, done up in a shiny buckled hat and a short green jacket, pointy shoes and a fake red beard.
As most of you know, it’s a big parade, so there would be a long stretch in the parking lot waiting your turn to go. My first year, Senator John F. Kennedy and his wife Jackie were lined up to march right in front of the O’Connell’s float. They talked to me for a while and I told JFK I’d be sure to vote for him. I was 8.
The next year, midway through the parade, I really had to go to the bathroom. Bad. But I was stuck in the shamrock at the very top of the float. So, we’re headed slowly down Beech Street by Holyoke High School and I had two choices: I could wait it out until I wet my green leprechaun pants or I could whiz over the side of the float in front of thousands of people. No one would recognize me in the beard and hat and the Teamster float driver Eddie Rosinski would just think it was starting to rain.
I’ll leave it to you to decide what I ended up doing. Good luck and keep your dukes up.
