What’d Ya Call Me?

Hey, it’s time for a holiday nickname roundup. I’m from Holyoke and my old friend Bucko Fitzgerald told me that his dad told him that Holyoke was the nickname capital of the world. Guess that’s where I picked it up. I’ve tagged a lot of people over the years and I’m still at it, Bozo Lavelle.

I never give somebody a nickname as an insult. It’s a term of endearment. Seems like nicknames are becoming a thing of the past, like hugs and handshakes. Some people think they’re politically incorrect. Just like everything else that has a little bit of soul, fun, and personality—the squelchers give it the pipe. But for a dunce cap wearin’ guy like me, it reminds me of the neighborhood. And I stand for the neighborhood.

I’m the oldest of eleven kids and I even gave my six sisters nicknames. I can’t throw them out here because they’d beat the hell out of me. What the Christ, they still haven’t gotten over when I gave the eulogy at my dad’s funeral and fired off the nicknames we used to call the old man: Old Cartwright, Charlie Two Shirts, Charlie Two Shoes, Chuckles, Choo-Choo Charlie. Hey, that’s life on the prairie Rowdy Roddy Piper.

So, here we go, some of the great nicknames you’ve seen in these ditties the past coupla years, in no particular order: Tuba Lyons, Swing-And-A-Miss Dowling, Pantyhose O’Malley, One Nut Muldoon, Rule Breaker Roulier, Slip Mahoney, Satch Fitzgibbons, Klinkers Carney, Roscoe Maloney, Blowfish O’Toole, Head McCarthy, Bucko Fitzgerald, Rhubarb Dunn, Bobby Biscuits McGovern, Flippy Flanagan, Horse Manure Harriman, Sansabelt Sibilia, Sluggo Moynihan, Gin Bottle Garvey, Baboon Sheehan, Cannonball Kennedy, Pooch Minkler, Short Pants Flynn, Woodie O'Brien, Jimmy The Broom, Joey Pants.

Speaking of my son Joey Pants, the bastard wrote a book and put a bunch of my goddamn one-liners in it. Zig Zag is a crime novel about a weed-puffin’ cowboy bail bondsman named Harry Robatore who chases a couple criminals around the desert. It comes out in February but apparently pre-orders are a big deal in this game, so if you want to check it out, here’s the link, Blowfish Harrington.

Keep your dukes up and happy Christmas to you and yours.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAeea4S43JY

If you know someone who’d like these ditties in their inbox every week, have ‘em shoot us an email at darbyo@darbyobrien.com and we’ll add ‘em to the list.