Space Cadet

Bill “Spaceman” Lee, the former Red Sox hurler who once had three straight 17-win seasons, is still tossing the pea at the age of 75. The left-hander currently pitches for the Savannah Bananas.

A few weeks back, while warming up in the bullpen, Bill collapsed flat on his back. Luckily it was First Responders Night at the Fisher Cats' stadium in Manchester, New Hampshire. They whacked him with the paddles, performed CPR, and brought the goddamn dead man back to life. Good thing because the Spaceman sure as hell doesn’t want to die in the bullpen. If he bites the dust, he wants to die on the mound. Cover him with a tarp, finish the game, then haul him away.

After being revived, the nut jumped up and wanted to go out and pitch. They brought him to the hospital for a checkup instead. But Spaceman was back in action a few days later. Billy Boy has a strict training program which keeps him throwing strikes at his age. It involves Red Bull with two shots of vodka in it. Or two scoops of chocolate ice cream with hot fudge. It’s not unusual for him to have a beer in the stands with fans between innings. 

A few years ago, in another minor league game, the Spaceman passed out running to first. The umpire standing over him said, “Bill, you pull a muscle or something?” Spaceman said he was just dizzy. The ump laughed and said, “How would you know? You’re always dizzy.”

Another reason Bill still throws strikes and changeups and a helluva curveball is that nobody has more fun and takes themselves less seriously than he does. We need more people like Bill Lee around today because we ain’t laughing as much as we used to. That’s what keeps us young. Christ, this season he had the second-lowest ERA in the league. 

Keep your dukes up.   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vQpW9XRiyM

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