How I Outfoxed A Bear
Last Saturday afternoon, when the rain finally stopped, I snuck down by the pool in the backyard and lit up a big Ashton cigar. You know, Tony Soprano style. I was reading a book down there and the day was kind of lollygaggin’ along when suddenly I heard this loud snap, crackle and poppin’ sound of something coming up from the gulley. I thought, what the Christ, it’s either Bigfoot or Haystack Calhoun. Whatever it is, it’s goddamn big.
So all of a sudden this mambo bear comes over the fence, climbs a tree, perches himself on a big branch and stares at me. Nice to see ya, fat boy. Reminded me of the “Convoy” tune with the bear in the air. I gotta admit I was scared. What am I gonna do when Smokey comes out of the tree? The big bastard can swim so I can’t jump in the pool. Can’t climb a tree, he’s already up there. If I sprint toward the house, the mook will catch right up to me. I’m a dead duck, Bucko.
Thinking fast, I remembered this weird sound effect that drives squirrels nuts. So I pulled it up on YouTube and cranked up the volume on my phone. I don’t know if it was that or the George of the Jungle yelp I let out, but sure as shootin’, the thing barreled out of the tree, over the fence, and down the hill. Once I was sure he was half-a-mile or so away, I yelled out, “Smokey you wimp!”
Hey, I ain’t no Davy Crockett, but I done good with that “bar,” didn’t I?
Keep your dukes up.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sd5ZLJWQmss
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